The F-Word
by KahnShao
Summary: a collection of one shots with the cullens, vouturi, and the rest. Rated high T for language. some chapters will have an M rating
1. Chapter 1

**The F-Word**

Bella, Rosalie, and Alice sat on the couch in their front room. Esme in the kitchen. All four were home alone; they boys had gone off with Carlisle on a weeklong hunting trip. The three sisters were trying to keep occupied and thinking of something to do. All of a sudden Rosalie grinned. She wrote down her idea on a piece of paper because being as vampires have excellent hearing, whispering would be of no use. 'Let's get Esme to swear. Let's see if we can get her to say fuck.' The note said. Bella muffled her mouth trying not to giggle. Alice buried her face in her hands knowing full well if she looked at either sister, she'd break up laughing. Rosalie stared straight ahead looking at neither of them.

Bella wrote down the word 'fuck' backwards. She went to the kitchen where Esme was seated. Her other two sisters went outside to wait and hear what was going on. Esme saw Bella come in and smiled warmly. "hello dear." She said kindly.

Bella barely kept a straight face. "Can you read this? Im not sure what is says and I came to you because you're good at deciperhing these things.

Esme smiled and read the paper. 'kcuF' it read. Bella bit her lip. If she smiled now….Esme looked at Bella slightly amused raising one eyebrow. "No. you know what is says. Did your sisters put you up to this?" she asked. Bella stifled a giggle and ran outside leaving an Esme wondering about Bella's sanity.

"Did it work?" Alice asked. Bella shook her head. "No. she thinks one of you put me up to this."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Here let me. I can write the word in a foreign language and have her say it. Then when she reads the English translation, she'll know what she said." She grabbed another piece of paper and wrote down the foul word. 'Chingar.*' Alice broke into hysterical laughter. Rosalie grinned and went in to find Esme.

"Hey Esme? Can you pronounce this? Pleeeease?" Rosalie whined. Esme looked at Rosalie.

"You shouldn't whine Rosalie. Really." Esme sighed. She took the paper and looked it over. "Nice try. Im not saying that word." She said handing the paper back. She waited for Rosalie's next move. "You don't even know what is means." She protested stomping her foot. Esme looked at her. "Yes I do. And you know what it means too young lady. And stomping your foot doesn't get you your way. You're what…85 now?" she asked.

Hysterical laughter filtered in from outside. Rosalie glared at the direction of the sound and stomped outside to join her sisters. 'Its not working.' She wrote on more paper. Finally Alice got to her feet without saying a word. She had grabbed a small frog and carried the creature inside. Both girls went to listen in.

"Yes Alice…?" Esme asked cautiously. "Oh, nothing. We were trying to get you to say that word….but it didn't…OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Alice screamed tossing the frog at Esme. The animal landed harmlessly on her lap.

"AHHHHHHH! FUCK!" Esme screamed jumping to her feet. Alice screamed with laughter grabbing the frog and running outside to set it free. Rosalie and Bella stared in shock at Alice then dissolved into hysterical laughter. Esme glanced out the window and saw her three daughters laughing uncontrollably. They had gotten her to say the word.

One week later the boys returned home. Alice told them what had transpired and all boys, save for Carlisle laughed hysterically. Carlisle looked at his mate.

"I am concerned about their mentality right now. I don't even want to know how this even started." He sighed as he and his mate stared at their 6 hysterical children.


	2. Chapter 2

**Mirrors Reflect**

Jane stood in front of the mirror in her room. She wanted to see if her powers could work on her as well. Hell, it worked on the others. She had even tried it on her brother just for 'shits and giggles' as she had said to Aro when he asked why the boy was writhing on the ground threatening his sister. She sighed heavily. She was glad she was alone staring at herself in the mirror.

'Here goes nothing.' She thought to herself. She took in an unnecessary breath to clear her mind.

"Pain." She told the mirror. Immediately she collapsed to the floor. "AHHHH! SHIT!" she cried out. Alec came in at his sister's shriek and stifled laughter that would surely earn him his sister's wrath. He went and got Aro. Aro came in and stared quizzily at Jane, his head cocked to the side in astonishment. "My dear, I am afraid to ask…but what are you doing?" Jane, the pain ebbing now, looked down embarrassed. "_I tried using my gift on myself."_ She muttered. Alec managed a small chuckle hiding close to a mirror.

Pissed off, Jane snarled at her brother. "SHUT UP BALL LICKER! PAIN!" she growled planning to teach her brother a lesson in respect and minding his own business.

With vampire speed he spun the mirror and reflected her power back onto his pissed off sister. Jane shrieked again clutching her leg. Alec laughed an ran off knowing full well, that once she regained her footing, he would be in big trouble. Aro stared amused. The two siblings often bickered back and forth over the silliest things. And although he would never admit it, he found their banter quite amusing. Jane got to her feet still limping slightly. She wouldn't go after her brother just yet. No, she would wait. He would eventually lower his guard down and that's when she would get him. After all, she had all of enternity for payback.


	3. Chapter 3

**Goodbye**

**(this is the only serious/sad chapter)**

Jane sat on a boulder staring at the snow covered ground. She didn't want to deal with anyone right now. Especially Aro. If it were possible for her to cry, she would have. She had just witnessed her brother Alec's death by Edward's hands. Aro had considered it a fair trade being as one of the Voulturi had killed a Cullen ally. Jane swore vengeance. Somehow she would. Alec was the only person she truly cared for. Aro was just for his ability to lead a coven without anyone trying to overthrow him. But Alec was Jane's closest friend. Her best friend. She whimpered as her breath hitched once. The closest thing she would ever get to actually crying. Alec's body lay next to her as she sat holding his hand. Aro had tried to get her to return home…but decided against it. She would return in due time.

No one knew how she felt. Or if they did, they didn't care. Marcus did. He knew what loss was. And Jane would have that loss for eternity. He wished he could comfort her…but Jane wouldn't let anyone near her except her brother and Aro.

Jane spared a glance at her brother and quickly looked away, feeling the grief rise again. _'why did you leave me Alec? You promised we'd always be together forever.'_ She thought painfully. Sparing a glance at her brother once again she knelt down and gently kissed her brother one last time. Deciding at the last moment she ran towards La Push…towards Sam's pack. She ran straight towards the enraged wolf. And towards his open jaws….


	4. Chapter 4

**The "man-scream"**

Aro peered around the corner into the next room, making sure the intruder was no longer in the area. He walked into the room glancing around nervously. His red eyes darting everywhere. He was thankful that Caius, Marcus, Felix, and Jane were off doing their own thing and not near him. He was in no mood to deal with them at the moment. Then he chuckled to himself. Sure he had a "girly" giggle as the others had thought, but no one in their right mind was stupid enough to call him out on it. He stared at himself in the mirror, confident now that the intruder had left. Good for him. He was Aro! And he led the damned Voulturi! Even Jane was smart enough to stay clear of his path and not cross him.

'he is wise to have left. For I was loosing my patience with his stupidity.' Aro thought to himself. He did a confident pose in front of the mirror. A pose he always did when introducing himself and his coven to newcomers. Giving a small growl he spun around and found himself staring at the intruder. Aro jumped a good 10 feet back and screamed shrilly.

Jane stopped from feeding on a human and looked to her companions. Alec also heard and cocked his head curiously. "what do you suppose that is sister? Who would scream in such a feminine way?" Jane roller her eyes. "It was probably a female Alec." She answered. Felix was to engrossed in feeding to even acknowledge the scream. Sure he heard it…but it had nothing to do with him. And as long as it didn't interfere with his meal, he could care less.

"It sounded like it came from our place…come let us return home and see of this scream. Perhaps Aro has someone…." Jane commented. She dropped the human she was munching on and wisely the others followed her lead. Marcus, bringing up the rear as always…and as always very morose.

"I wasn't done eating yet." Felix grumbled. Knowing that he could probably grab a meal back at their estate if need be.

Jane rolled her eyes. "Always with the feeding. Can you not ever think about your stomach?" she asked. Felix retorted back, "When's the last time you went out on a date Jane? Seriously, your so…" he stopped when he noticed Jane staring at him…daring him to continue. "I can have someone if I so choose. Unlike you…." She added. Now, normally, a normal vampire would have let it go. But not Felix. "Heidi likes me." He retorted back.

"Heidi is not interested in you…I asked. She likes someone else." Jane growled. She glared at Felix. A warning for him to end it.

"Ahhh so you're a lezzbo." He grinned. The next thing he knew, he was on the gound in pain for a few minutes as Jane stared impassively at him. Then she left. Not because she decided a lesson was learned…she wanted to know what was on with that feminine scream.

They made it inside their estate and another shrill scream came form Aro's room. Jane went inside to see her master Aro standing on a table shrieking and pointing. "Its gonna get us! Its right there!" he shrieked. Jane looked down and saw a butterfly flying around her feet before going higher. She stared at Aro looking at him with a mix of worry and what the hell is wrong with you.

The butterfly flew closer to Aro and he screamed louder and jumped to the other side of the room.

"uhhh…im just gonna leave now." Jane said slowly. She smirked and left.

"Jane! Do not shut that door! That thing is going to get me! Jane…NO! JANE DAMMIT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Aro screamed and flopped around as the harmless insect landed on Aro's shoulder. By the end of the day, Aro's little episode with the butterfly had generated more than 1,980,654,321 hits on youtube. All of the vampire world, human world, and shifter world was laughing hysterically. For the next century Aro was known as "The Butterfly Man."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hyperactive Cullens**

Carlisle rolled the shopping cart down the aisles of Wal-Mart. His mate, Esme had only asked him to get a couple of items they needed. One was transmission fluid (requested by Rosalie) and the other was Herbal Essence Fushcia shampoo (Esme). He got said items and by rights, should have been on his way to the checkout. But a sample display caught his eye. The display was full of sample cups of Red Bull energy drink. He got a sample and his eyes dilated in pleasure. He decided to go down the soda aisle and grab 24 12-pk cases of said drink. Then he went to the checkout already giggling do to the fact his system was not use to having the drink inside.

He grabbed a large Red Bull can and opened it draining it before he reached checkout. By the time it was his turn, he was a giggly mess. The checker looked at him cautiously but rung up his items. "oh, yah…I had did too." He slurred. The checker stared at him trying not to grin. He seemed like a reasonable man…she knew he was a doctor but didn't really know his name. And from the looks of it…he didn't drink this stuff often, if ever.

"Ok, sir will that be cash or credit?' she asked. Carlisle furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "Cash. NOOOO CREDDDDITTTAH!" He whispered. He didn't want his mate knowing. "Ok, your total comes out to $325.00." she stated. "WOWEEEE! THAT'S A LOT! MY WIFE'S GONNA KICK MY ASSHOLE!" he all but shouted. He paid for his drinks and left. "BUH-BYEEEE PRETTY LADY!" he squealed.

"WEEEEEE! LOOKIT MEEEEEE!" Carlisle shouted as he rode the cart to his car. Laughing hysterically, he placed his items inside his car. Even though he was gone, he drove sensibly home, every so often making odd faces as other drivers should they stop by him. He drove by Charlie, the town sheriff and belched right out loud. Charlie looked at Carlisle like he had gone insane. Back at home Carlisle drove his car into the garage where Rosalie was at. Giggling he got out of his vehicle and Rosalie stared at him curiously.

"Carlisle, what is wrong with you?" she asked not really wanting to know the answer. The patriarch of the coven, had indeed gone insane. "I got these magic drinks. Wanna try? Herehereherehereherehere!" he said talking fast tossing cans of the drink at Rosalie. Carlisle sprinted inside the house. Rosalie sniffed at the can she opened and took her first sip….

'I gotta be super quiet. Esme might be looking for me, so shhhhhh.' He whispered to himself.

"Carlisle, love, are you…." Esme said from behind her husband. "AHHHYAYAYAYAYAYAYAHHHH!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "You scarded me!" he yelped. "Here try dese drinks! Trytrytrytrytrytrytry!" he said rapidly. He tossed the cans at a surprised Esme. "I spended alloooot of money on them. $325 dollars." He whispered. Esme fought to remain calm. Her husband was all worked up on the stuff. And normally she would have refused to have such a strange drink but Carlisle insisted. And he would never insist Esme try something if it would bring her harm. She took her first drink.

"GAAGAGHGHGUYTJHGJRYHJVBHJHP!" Both Esme and Carlisle said at the same time. Bella walked in hearing the ruckus from outside. Both were not yelling or screaming, but Bella's vampire ears picked up on it. She went inside curious to see what was going on. Both tossed drinks at her and insisted she try it. Apparently, this was the new favorite drink.

**Four hours later**

Edward, Jasper, and Emmet came inside. The front room was the shambles, Carlisle and Esme were gibbering nonsense, "YAYAYAHGGHTYVHFH!" both shrieked in greeting to them. Bella was bouncing on the couch yelling "BOOGERSNOTS! BUTTHOLES! PEE-PEES!" over and over. Rosalie was blowing rasberries at Jacob who had phased into a wolf and was outside shaking a box of tampons in his teeth back and forth, growling playfully. The three males looked at each other uncertainly and back at their family. Then Edward glanced down.

"I found the problem…they drank this." He stated trying to remain calm. He looked back to his brothers, then back to the rest of his coven, then to the drink….

Alice Cullen came inside from her shopping trip. She had a vision of her family but it was fuzzy do to Jacob's presence.

She entered the home to find a house full of extremely hyperactive Cullens.


	6. aroma therapy

Aroma Therapy

Esmee Cullen was known for her love and knowledge of plants and their properties. She also knew that some plants provided aroma therapies which calmed one's nerves. Right now, the matriarch of the Cullen clan was inside a well known shop that sold these 'special plants' and the proper equipment to raise them in. The plants could even be sold fully grown. But to start off and get a feel for these new plants, she decided to purchase one that was already grown and had its own flowers ready for harvest. She smiled at the shopkeeper, who in her opinion was a bit spacey, but seemed to know what he was talking about.

"you're gonna wanna start off with a fully grown plant so you can get a feel for what you're doing. I have a plant that has already bloomed and you can take the buds of and ground them into whatever you need." He showed her the plant which was of considerable size. "You can even use the seeds it has to grow your own if you want to. Just be sure that when you grow your own, to make sure to leave it in a dark, room and only use a blacklight to give it its sunlight until its ready to transplant." He added. Esmee nodded understandingly. "If I want to release its frangrance what is the best way to do so?" she asked.

The shopkeeper grinned. This woman could not be serious. "Well…we have bongs, and papers to roll your buds in. but if you want to release the whole thing, I guess you could put the buds in this bowl and light em up. That would release the whole thing. But be careful. This is pure stuff. It will definitely give you a decent hit." Esmee wasn't sure what he was talking about, but she bought some anyway. She went home and examined her purchase. Glad for once her family was gone at the time, this meant she could have time for herself. She set the bowl in the middle of the kitchen island table and set the buds inside. She just put 4 inside because the shopkeeper said the stuff was pretty potent. Esmee lit a match and put it to the buds.

A very peculiar odor wafted out and spread about the room quickly. It wasn't long before esmee was feeling the effects. She got to giggling and feeling pretty mellow. Then she decided to sit down for a bit and stare at a bowl of fruit completely mesmerized by its fruitiness. 'that orange has bumps all over it. That is so cool.' She thought to herself. She stared at the burning buds inside the bowl and laughed again. As of right now, the bowl was the most amazing thing she had ever seen. She was surprised she never really noticed how amazing that bowl was before.

Before long Carlisle and the rest of her family came home. They were greeted by a well known aroma. Bella stared curiously around. Rosalie had a mild look of annoyance on her face. Whatever this smell was it smelled familiar but she wasn't going to say outright was it was unless she knew all the facts. Emmett had a big grin on his face. He knew what it was. Now the question for him was, would Esmee be willing to share? Carlisle went into the kitchen to see his giggling wife laughing at a dandelion which had decided to fly into the kitchen through an open window from outside.

"That fuzzy thing is floating." She giggled. Carlisle sighed to himself and blew out the remains of the buds which had burnt themselves out. All there was now was residue. "Esmee, love, where did you get these?" Carlisle asked. Esmee shrugged. "I dunno. At a shop that sold plants like these. I think its very calming." She added with a slight giggle. Carlisle groaned. "Esmee, you are stoned right now. As in high. Very, very, high. Do you know what kind of plant this is?" he asked patiently. Esmee shook her head. "Its cannabis love. As in Marajuana." Esmee stared at him confused. "huh?" she asked.

Carlisle sighed and helped her to her feet. She giggled and allowed herself to be lead to the couch so she could relax until her high wore off. Being vampires, Carlisle estimated that the weed would stay in the system a bit longer than a human, and even though Esmee knew what marijuana was, she didn't know the other various names in which the plant was called. And she had never even tried a hit of the stuff until today. He went and grabbed the rest of the stash. (thank goodness she had not decided to smoke the whole thing….there would be no telling how long her high would have lasted if she did).

Esmee's high wore off within a few hours and Carlisle told her what the stuff was exactly that she had purchased. Esmee was none to pleased but she couldn't really blame the shopkeeper…she had gotten rid of the rest of the weed (much to Emmett's dismay). To make her feel better, Carlisle went off to buy her some gourmet animal blood from a client that he knew. He came back and handed her a bottle and downed his before she could even open hers. A few hours later, both Carlisle and Esmee were 'mellowed out to the max' as Alice put it. She happened to find a piece of paper on the ground that had obviously fell out of Carlisle's pocket. The note had said:

_To my good friend Carlisle, thank you for helping me and saving my life. I know you said no payment is necessary, but I believe a man should always repay his debts. I have gourmet animal blood from the purest animal bloodlines. These creatures are raised with care and then painlessly put to death and drained when the time of harvest arrives. I have also added a bit of a bonus. I have infused the blood with cannabis (marijuana) for you and your family to enjoy. This will not harm you or your loved ones in anyway. _

_Sincerely, Tyler_

Alice groaned. Great. Now there were two very stoned, vampires giggling at Alice's expression of dismay on her face.


	7. you share now

You Share NOW!

Bella ran through the meadow into the woods that would lead to the Cullen house. She was fast now that she was a vampire. But something was chasing after her. It wasn't a wolf, that much she did know. It wasn't a human. It could only be another vampire. Underneath her arm she carried a box of cookies. She was in the meadow getting ready to have one of her treats when the vampire attacked. She didn't know who it was, but she knew it wasn't Jane or any of the Voulturi. Her family had made peace with the voulturi a while back. Even Jane had a grudging respect for the newest member of the Cullen's newest member.

Bella ran towards La Push, a last minute decision. She ran straight past Sam's pack without so much as a greeting. Sam, being curious as to why Bella was running, and even more curious as to what she was coveting, gave chase. Bella, with the smell of the wolves all over her would be difficult to find.

The red headed vampire, Victoria chased after the stupid Cullen member with purpose. What she wanted Bella had. And now those damned wolves were after her too. Well, they weren't getting any. Once she liberated what she wanted from Bella, she'd be gone. The smell of the wolves surrouned her and she cursed her rotten luck. Maybe if she climbed a tree, she'd be able to see where the Cullen was running off to and head her off at the pass. She climbed the nearest tree and stared towards the ground. Sure enough Bella came rocketing past, followed by Sam and his pack of mangy flea infested inbred dogs. She leapt from tree to tree being careful to stay out of the sight of Sam.

Bella had made it to the driveway of the Cullen residence and was thankful only Esme was home. Before she had gotten to the door she felt something slam into her. Bella kicked her assailent off. "seriously, what the hell Victoria?" she asked. Victoria's eyes narrowed down dangerously and she snarled vehemently "I want those cookies." She growled. Bella shook her head grinning cruelly. "nope. Im gonna eat them aaaalllllll." She smiled. And deliberately grabbed one and ate it.

Victoria's eyes widened in disbelief. "But I waaaaant oooone…please?" she whined. It was clear to Bella that Victoria was on the verge of tears had it been possible. Bella grinned and ate another one. Victoria shrieked and lunged forward stopping when she heard a low growl coming from Sam. Sam pushed his way past the red headed vampire and sat down expectantly. Bella shook her head and backed away. "No, these are MINE!" Bella growled. "Share Bella! You have to share or im gonna tell." Victoria wailed. Sam growled in agreement. Bella shook her head.

"Esssssmeeeeeee!" Victoria wailed. Esmee came to the front door and saw her adopted daughter holding a box of cookies protectively glaring at the red headed vampire and the pack of wolves. "Bella won't share…make her share." Victoria whined. "NO!" Bella yelled. "YOU SEE? Bella you have to shaaaaaaaarrrrrrreeeee!" Victoria squealed her voice going up an octave.

Esmee looked at Bella expectantly. "Bella, share with your friends." Esmee warned. A choice was not an option.

"But moooooommm…" Bella whimpered stomping her feet. Esmee repeated her statement more firmly "BELLA SWANN CULLEN, YOU SHARE NOW!"

Bella shared her cookies with her friends.

*in this ficlet, Victoria is friends with Bella and never tried to kill her. And vampires can also eat regular food if they choose to.*


	8. Of drunken vampires

**Of Drunken Vampires**

Bella, Alice, and Rosalie were home alone, bored. Esmee and Carlisle had gone off on a "second honeymoon" of sorts, and the boys had gone off on a weeklong hunting trip. Jacob was off with the other wolves. The girls had already grabbed a quick meal and now sat bored. It was Rosalie who suggested they play a game. Bella was all for it, but Alice had a feeling something bad would come of it in the end. To play the game Rosalie had to get the necessary "game pieces" as she had said. Luckily they were in the library area of the house. Or Carlisle's study as it was also called.

"Rose, I have a bad feeling—" Alice started to say. "Alice, would you PLEASE, for once, shut up?" Alice shrank back. Bella sat quietly unsure of how to respond. Should she side with Alice or side with Rose? Rosalie disappeared for a moment and came back carrying 8 bottles of the expensive brew. She smiled. Now how we play this game is I ask a question on these trivia cards, whoever gets it wrong, must drink a glass of any one of these drinks. If you get it right, I drink 2 for each right answer. It doubles after each round." Bella shrugged. Why not play? Its not like drinking could kill her now anyways. Alice reluctantly agreed to play.

**Question 1: What drink made Carlisle go crazy when he first tried it?**

Alice decided to answer first. "Jack Daniels." She responded. Bella giggled. "Red Bull." She smiled. Rose grinned. "Bella, you are correct. Alice, pick a drink." Alice groaned and grabbed her glass and downed her drink, trying not to make a face. Rosalie drank her drinks as promised as well.

**Question 2: What did Esmee light that made her mellow?**

"Weed." Both girls said in unison. Rosalie grimaced. She drank even more. She was already feeling the buzz from the alcohol cosumed. So were Alice and Bella. This being because alcohol had an even more intense reaction to their vampire systems than it would have had they been human.

**Question 3: Did Bella share her cookies with Victoria when she asked?**

"NO!" both girls said promptly. Bella and Alice took another glass. Just for the hell of it Rosalie took another drink as well. By now all 3 could barely stand, much less speak a coherent sentence. Rosalie shook her head and went for what she called 'The final round.' She drunkenly staggered to her feet.

**Question 4: Did Bells shghjthghg HAHAHAHA!**

Rosalie cracked up laughing trying to drink her glass getting it everywhere. This caused both Alice and Bella to bust up laughing as well. "You stupid bitcsh! Thash not how you drink." Bella yelled out laughing. "Fuck you! I knowd how to drink! Im 85 years olds and I drink this piss all the time!" Rosalie laughed falling on her ass laughing hysterically. Alice was in hysterics trying to stand but failing to do so. By now the glasses were forgotten and drinks were being taken directly from the bottle.

"What time does Carlisle and Esmee return?" Alice asked trying to be serious. "Whuh?" Rosalie asked in a stupor. Bella rolled her eyes. "she said; what. Time. Does. Ezzmee come hom-ah!" Rosalie whirled around to face Bella. "I heard what she saiduh!" she snarled dribbling some of her drink from her mouth. Bella burst out laughing. "Youre dribbling drink down the front of your shirt you spitter!" she giggled. Alice was lying on her back laughing. This got the other two to start laughing.

Not long a phone rang and Rosalie answered. Her eyes went wide and she took in an unneeded breath. Alice and Bella stopped their horseplay and stared at their sister worried. Had something happened to Carlisle and Esmee? Had something happened to the boys? She let the phone drop. She looked on the verge of tears and she stared at her sisters.

"Carlisle and Esmee, they're…they're…" she sat down unable to continue. In a flash both girls went to comfort their sister not knowing what had happened or what was going on. "Are they ok Rose?" Bella asked. Rosalie looked towards Bella. "Yeah. Theyre fine, but they're gonna be home within 2 hours and we drank all the alcohol. They're gonna get us!" Rosalie wailed. Alice and Bella went into panic mode and cleaned up the mess. Then decided to drive to the store to pick up more alcohol for Carlisle's study. If they hurried they'd be back and have everything put away before their parents came back.

Rosalie opted to drive because it was her car after all, and she was older than the other two, and plus, she didn't really like anyone touching her car. They made it to the store and went to purchase the needed drinks. Unfortunately, they had forgotten their ID's and not to mention they were all really drunk. The police were called and the girls were picked up. They were being held on driving while under the influence, attempting to purchase alcohol while drunk, and attempting to make said purchase under the age of 21. Now all 3 girls sat in a holding cell while a call was made.

Carlisle and Esmee were not at all surprised that the girls weren't home. They had assumed the girls had gone off on a trip of their own or to hunt. The phone rang and Carlisle answered the phone. This is how the conversation went:

**Hello? Yes this is he. What? Are they ok?! Thank goodness no one was hurt. Yes, I am their father. Of course. They were WHAT?! Oh of all the stupid, foolish things! Yes, we will be down to get them. Of course I will pay for whatever damages that occurred. I am truly sorry. Thank you.**

Esmee came into the kitchen at the sound of her mate's voice. Never had she heard him sound so cross in such a long time. "Carlisle, love, what happened is everything ok?" she asked concerned. Carlisle turned to face his wife.

"Not for them. It appears that our 3 daughters decided to drink the alcohol in the study, then while drunk, went out to try and replace what they had drank. The police chief Charlie has them and is holding them for us. He doesn't want to press charges because apparently he put a good scare into them. Especially Rosalie, who by the way will need a change of pants when she gets home." Carlisle growled. Esmee faced palmed herself. As they were leaving the boys came back from their trip. When they heard happened, Edward and Jasper were in shock. Emmett was too but he wanted to tag along to see what would happen. "Just me and Esmee are going." Carlisle said curtly. Emmett opened his mouth to protest when Carlisle looked at his gigantic man-child of a son.

"I'm sorry, was I not clear? We do not need to have you provoking the girls. Unless you wish to share their punishment? Which is it Emmett?" Carlisle asked calmly. Emmet chose to stay behind. It wouldn't be fair if he got punished for something that he did not do for once. Both Carlisle and Esmee went to get their drunken children from the police. The car ride was calm. All three girls were remorseful. Carlisle and Esmee knew the girls were sorry but they still had to face punishment.

Carlisle had given his word he would not raise a hand to the girls, nor his voice and he kept his word. When they came home the girls walked in not looking to good. They sat on the couch with the exception of Rosalie. They boys stayed in their respective corners quietly watching. Except for Emmet.

"Phewwww! Smells like someone took a nasty shit! Who farted?" he groaned. "Emmet Mcarty Cullen!" Esmee said sternly. Emmet hung his head trying not to grin. "But it smells like wet farts." He complained. Rosalie bit her tongue and kept quiet. She wanted to much to say something to her idiot brother but kept quiet. "Rosalie go change and come back please." Carlisle said gently. Rosalie nodded and went to change. She looked mortified. Emmet, normally would have said something, kept quiet.

"what you girls did was completely unacceptable. You could have seriously endangered others. You are lucky that Chief Swan decided not to press charges and decided to put you in hold until we arrived. Now, Esmee and I know you are truly sorry for what happened. But you still need to be punished for what you had done. So there for your punishment will be as follows:

**You will be driven to school and picked up after school**

**You will not be allowed to leave the house except when we are hunting. This includes weekends.**

**You will hand over your credit cards. **

**There will be no social network or computers. The only exception will be is to complete homework assignments.**

**You will hand over your phones. No calls in or out.**

All 3 girls groaned but handed over required items. Esmee and Carlisle put the items away. "You will get your items back when 2 months are up. Don't worry, when we go visit the Denalis in Alaska Esmee and I will give you a pardon for that visit without any time added on to your grounding.

"Carlisle and Esmee, we truly are sorry for what we had done. We will not do that again." Bella said. Both her adoptive parents smiled and hugged the girls. They went to their rooms glad they weren't punished even more. Rosalie came into Bella's room. "doesn't it suck ass that we had our stuff taken away from us? I mean how the hell are we supposed to deal with this?" she whined. Bella rolled her eyes. "Seriously Rose? We're lucky that Chief Swan decided not to press charges. We're lucky that we get a pardon during our week long visit with the Denalis next month." Rosalie pouted and stalked off back to her room. There had to be some way to keep entertained while serving "time" for what had transpired.

Coming soon: Rosalie keeps herself "entertained"

Next chapter will have an M rating. Just sayin'


End file.
